Little Mary was never a good girl in Sunday School. Every time the teacher would be up there teaching the word of the bible to little children, Mary would put her head down and sleep. Every time the teacher would ask Mary a question, Mary wouldn,t answer it. So one day, a kid named John decided to help her out.
“Mary, can you tell me who created the universe and the heavens above?” asked the teacher.
Mary was asleep, so John reached over and jabbed Mary in the leg with his pen. Mary jumped up and shouted “God allmighty!”
Well Mary dozed off to sleep again. It came time for the teacher to ask her to answer another question.
“Mary, can you please tell me who is our savior, the son of god?” asked the teacher.
John reached over and jabbed Mary in the leg with his pen, and Mary jumped up and shouted “Holy Jesus!”
Well, as usual, Mary put her head down and slept again. The teacher asked her another question.
“Mary, can you tell me what Eve said to Adam after bearing his 23rd son?” asked the teacher.
As usual, John reached over and jabbed Mary in the leg with his pen. This time, Mary jumped up and shouted “If You Stick That Thing In Me One More Time, I,ll Break It In Half!!!!”
Stunned, the teacher fainted.
Little Mary
Eminem and Britney
What�s the same about Eminem and Britney Spears?
Both their music sucks, Neither of them has a dick, They both fucked Justin Timberlake, The only difference is, Britney Spears didnt get pregnant..
Autopsy
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
“You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.”
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man’s anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes’ silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.
“The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse’s anus, but I licked my index finger?”
After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.
Family Values
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and values.
Stu said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
Bye Bye
A father walked past his litle boys room and heard the boy saying “god bless mummy, daddy, grandma bye bye grandpa!” the father thought nothing of it and was glad the boy was praying. the next day they found the boys grandfather dead. that night the father heard the boy say “god bless mummy, daddy bye bye grandma.” the next day the grandma was found dead. that night the father heard the boy say “god bless mummy bye bye daddy.” the father was realy worried and stayed up all night in the morning he went to the doctor “help i think i’m going to die” but the doctor went “your perfectly fine.” the father went home feeling worried but when he walked through the front door his wife went “i’m so glad your here i found the milkman dead this morning.”
Free Travel
A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in the hangar at JFK New York. It’s fogged in and they have nothing to do.
One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”
Dating vs Marriage
When you are dating?… Farting is never an issue.
When you are married?…You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating?… He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married?…He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?”
When you are dating?… He holds your hand in public.
When you are married?.He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating?… A Single bed for 2 isn’t THAT bad.
When you are married?.. A King size bed feels like an army cot.
