Cricket Sayings

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
- Robin Williams

Sachin Tendulkar is the hardest batsman I’ve ever had to bowl to because he judges the length a lot quicker than anyone else.
- Shane Warne

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
- Sidhu

The gap between bat and pad is so wide you could have driven a car through.
- Sidhu

I bowl my best when I’m fittest and the best way to get fit is to bowl. That’s how you get your rhythm. You can’t really find a rhythm by bowling in the nets.
- Brett Lee

Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen.
- Robert Mugabe

Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
- Sidhu

Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
- Sidhu

The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
- Sidhu

Nun Decorators

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?”

“Blind man!”

College Rules

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”
Then one of the student asked, “How much for a season pass?”

Pray Hard

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.” He thought a minute and then said, “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.” “Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.

“The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’shouse. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots wereinside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have somefun?”There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot lookedover at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away,Francis, our prayers have been answered!”